If Only

So I have a bit of a problem. Women love me. Of course, If I wasn't gay this would be great and I'm sure I would have been married forever ago. Even right now, I am in a play and there are at least two girls that are seriously vying for my attention. One has told me she has a crush on me and the other has told me she would marry me. And it's always been like that. As far as the girls are concerned I am a serious catch. Too bad I am gay.

I don't want to tell them because I can just imagine it being a big disappointment for them and, I also like the fact that they like me, and it would hurt for their looks of love to change to looks of disgust. There is also a big part of me that just hates advancing a stereotype and I don't want to be just another gay theater boy. But I tell you, it's times like these that really make me think that it would have been nice to be straight. There is definitely something about meeting a nice girl, getting married, and having a family that is very tempting. And so many of the girls I know are really so cool. If I was straight I would so marry one of them. We would have a blast.

I guess it seems so nice because I have never had a problem with girls wanting me, but have yet to have a relationship with a guy. I don't show up on the radar of gay guys for some reason. And the ones that do try to contact me (rarely) are the kind of people that I often am not attracted to physically and personality wise. Now I'm not whining here, nor am I depressed or something. I am sure there is someone out there for me. I just need to find them. And in the mean time, worrying about it won't make them appear any faster.

Still, it gets discouraging as I continue to play ignorant to the ladies charms around me. I don't know what else to do but be nice and courteous, but never give them any signals back. Meanwhile I wonder how I could give signals to all the guys that I would like to get to know better... but I've never been good at signals, and guys aren't traditionally good at reading them. :)

I would just speak up, but that is scary.